Lying to Myself

Everyone wants to love and be loved. But I personally can't see my self totally giving in to another human being. I probably will someday and that MIGHT be nice. But I have some trust issues I need to smash into smithereens first.....etc....


ahem...and please don't think I am depressed or anything with this poem. I was on the bus and I jotted it down. I should really go through and edit the damn thing. :]


Just saying...in case Mama reads this and starts asking me if anything is wrong...hahaha


Lying to Myself

By Karina Young

30 September 2009



I don’t want to be loved

I want to hurt

To feel sadness

To long for any thing

I cannot have

To know I am alive

By my rush of

Wild mental states

But living in that

One mode of utter bliss

That I am supposed to want

Isn’t living

One emotions rule

Over the mind

Over the body

Over the soul

Is a straight jacket

A dusty prison cell

So why do I want it

Why relinquish living

Why leave the sadness

The loneliness

The anger

The hate

Out of it

Why yearn to be told

That I am beautiful

What is this desire

To abandon my insecurities

And live in the arms

Of someone who will

Never know them

This rush of emotion

Just one emotion

Why do I want it

I cannot understand

And what I really

Cannot understand is

Why won’t it die

Leaving me free

and my anger

my sadness

my loneliness

my all

Still uncaring?